Let yourself off the hook. Practice radical forgiveness. The words are easy and almost useless. Forgiveness is a practice. Not something we do once and move on. It is something we do every time limiting feelings of vengeance, victimhood, stuckness, sadness, or blinding rage arise.Healing starts with recognition but is only complete when we have radically forgiven. There was once a mass murderer who killed more than 1,000 people and made a garland of their fingers. He was set to kill his mother when the Buddha intervened. He then tried his hardest to kill the Buddha.
He is called Angulimala ("finger-garland"), as most Buddhist figures are known by a moniker rather than their actual name.
The Buddha had freed himself of the affliction of nonforgiveness (thoughts of cruelty, revenge, anger). He forgave him and did much more than that: He successfully encouraged others -- the extended families of the victims, the royals, and neighbors -- to forgive him. He made sure the king forgave the murderer.
The Buddha then ordained Angulimala as an contented-ascetic (bhikkhu) and trained him until Angulimala reached what many would have thought impossible: He gained full enlightenment and, by his own efforts to reform himself, was freed from all suffering. This story troubles many who seek "justice" by means of endless cycles of revenge.
"Hatred never ceases by hatred;
by love alone it ceases," the Buddha taught.
by love alone it ceases," the Buddha taught.
When seeking to forgive, we should first pick that person who in all the world is most deserving of our love -- ourselves.If we can forgive ourselves, we may be able to forgive others. We may even be able to one day begin to think about possibly forgiving Ven. Angulimala. Many of us will not forgive ourselves even though we have judged ourselves of far less than mass murder.
